you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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