shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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