Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hippo gnu deer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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