So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize