I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
