He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
