im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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