It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
