She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
