they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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