shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
