I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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