I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
