in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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