my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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