Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
