Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
