Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
