Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
