she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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