she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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