Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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