he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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