I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
