respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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