I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
