When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So apparently I’m into choking now
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