No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
