Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
