only you would photoshop your dick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
NoShamevember. You game?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
