shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
