Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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