Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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