its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
