Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
