well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize