So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
