Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
