so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
