I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
