I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
