Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
