I can tuck mytits in my pants
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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