thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
