I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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