This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
