And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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