the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
