I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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