Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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