Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
