He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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