oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Two words: blizzard sex
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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