i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
