what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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