from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
