The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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