its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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