just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
