He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
