I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
