saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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