now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
