Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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