Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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