i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
