Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
