So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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