I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
