what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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