I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just had sex bonerless
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
