you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
