hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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