can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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