You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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