Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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