a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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