508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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