grandma shit on top of the toilet
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
