she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
