We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Two words: blizzard sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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