I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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