Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
