I wannas sexs uuuuu
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
