i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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