There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize