So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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