I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
