no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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