I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
